Online House Hunting - We can’t seem to get on the same page about our bank-account-draining home! How should I handle?

We can’t seem to get on the same page about our bank-account-draining home! How should I handle?

I really feel like we made a mistake two years ago and bought “too much house” (we got a zero-down, 30-year loan, house $240K. But whenever I bring it up to my husband, it always ends up in an argument and we can’t seem to understand each other. Every time I plug the numbers into the “rent” or “own” calculators on Freddie Mac, it always shows up that we could have saved at least $44,000 over 10 years by renting instead of buying, and that’s assuming the house goes up in value, what if it doesn’t?. This makes me sick to my stomach because we work so hard for our income but just can’t seem to hold on to it, and if we would just have kept renting, we would have been able to save up for a huge down payment and bought something more reasonable. We’ve already had to put another $18K into the house (AC went out, needed new floors, new fence, etc), and we’ve only lived there 2 years, so if we were to sell in this economy, we would be out thousands of dollars, and we have no equity, and it would likely sell for less than our purchase price. I don’t know what to do. My main question is, how can I bring it up to my husband in a non-threatening way so we can get on the same page, and my second question is, what should we do with our situation?

Public Comments

You really don't need to rub it in your husband's face that you both made what now is a bad financial decision. WHY does it matter now??? You can't undo buying a house so what on earth is the point of trying to make him understand it? Second, there's absolutely nothing you can do at this point. You need to wait for the market to rise again before considering selling or else you'll owe the bank a lot of money. Don't put anymore into the house if you can't afford it! (personally, AC, floors and fences aren't necessities and you didn't HAVE to do those)
If you question a man's decision, it's an argument waiting to happen - he probably knows your right that's why he's so defensive. Instead of saying you "could have" suggest sound solutions for your current situaiton. You've already purchased the home (and v. renting - you actually own something) so there is no real point in arguing a decision that can't be undone. YOu said, it the economy sucks right now. Encourage him and sugar coat your words - sorry, but they're all babies when it comes down to it. Don't discuss it right now, no point - you can't really do anything in the immediate future. Weather the storm with him and be happy about it. When the economy picks up then maybe ASK him what he thinks about purchasing another home that's maybe smaller. Don't bring up money or the cost of running the house - that's a real blow to their ego, trust me my husband's ego is bigger than any house can contain. He may have made a mistake but he needs you to stand by him.
First, you should not have bought a $240K house. Not that you should have rented for $44,000 lenght of time...that is a bad financial decision. Renting vs. Owning... At the end of renting you never get an asset. There's no equity. Owning/Buying...at the end you get an asset. Here's what I'm thinking...if you are making the house payments then keep living there. You're getting an asset. In every home there are things that need fixing or things that break. So, your new AC and floors and fence were just natural expensies that would probably happen with any home. So, why not just keep buying your home? Better than throwing away your money renting. If you choose to buy a smaller home then save up and buy it outright...then work your way up. However, it'd be easier to just stay in your home. Remember renting is just throwing your money away. My advice: save up and every month write 2 checks to your mortage company. 1- payment. 2- "to pay principle" write that on the check. $50 or $100 any ammount will help to pay it off quicker. What if your house doesn't go up in value?? Did you just see what happened to the US economy? Well that's what happens. You're not alone...you lose money in your investment and you lose money. Hold on to it until it bounces back. Good luck!
First of all, calm down! You are not alone! Look around you, there are countless numbers of people in the same boat. My wife and I got married 3 years ago, and I refinanced her home also did some remodeling in it with a second mortgage. Then the economy tanked. Our house is not worth nearly what we put in to it. The economy is cyclical have patients. If you, like us have only owned your home a few years you won't have any equity in it yet. Just like a savings account that takes time. I know you shudder at your house payments and the expenses you have incurred but still today, the best investment you can make is real estate! That house, if you ride this out, will make you money down the road. Now, my wife and I are in a different boat, we are rapidly nearing retirement 3-6 years we will not in all likelihood be in our house long enough to benefit from an improving economy. But there are programs available to us that when we do sell we don't take a financial bath. Also remember that if your house has lost value, taxable value since you bought it there is a savings you can file for on your taxes. Anytime the house is appraised by the assessor at a lower rate than you bought at you can claim the loss. Also you might want to talk to your county or city or township tax assessor about Re-assesing your taxible value. If property values in your area have gone down look into it and ask it your property is affected and you are due a tax reduction. Sometimes you have to ask, they are not always voluntarily going to give you that info. All the repairs you put in are investments in your property and future. Just like anything else, they take time to show a yield. When you rent, you have nothing to show for your investment. All you are doing is making money for your landlord. You are at his mercy as to what he feels needs to be replaced, beyond an emergency, for example you may feel the dwelling needs to be painted. He may not. You are at his mercy. You may opt to paint it yourselves and then he benefits by the improvementd you made. This way even though it is annoying, that fence, a/c and all are all to your benefit. I think before you bring this up with your husband try and look at it not so much as a milstone buat as an investment. Again just like a savings account that you start with a few dollars and add a few every month then before you know it you have a lot of money your sitting on!.
You can't, and you ought never to have purchased this house. My deepest apologies. As a public school teacher, we used to teach this kind of thing in hs..... how to buy, when to buy, if to buy, how to save, spend, manage money, and when to spot someone out to rip you off. What is propaganda, and how to spot it, and how to avoid getting ripped off in monetary markets...... And you two got ripped. Zero down, and 30 years??????? financial suicide. It was at one time required to put 25% down. All financial institutions asked for this. Your only good thing was that you did not buy at the top of the bubble...... April 05. What banks have done to you young couples is criminal. And I hope lots of them go to jail. But after deregulation, passed during the Clinton years by a Republican Congress, and as well, during the Bush administration, it was run away housing.... Bankers had free rein, consumers were not informed nor protected, Greenspan figuring that natural selection would weed out less fit banks, and all that happened was that lies were made to consumers, and people like you bought homes they couldn't afford, being told lies, about housing......criminal to our young couples like you and your husband. You already know what happened to the world financial markets because of their actions. And we aren't out of the woods yet, I promise. What ought you to do? If you can stay, stay. You are still going to upside down in your mortgage. But, in your place, I'd be seeing the bank and asking them to lower your interest rate. As well, I would be applying for Federal aid to get this house re-evaluated. Your house won't go up too much in value unless it is a custom home in one of your city's better areas. If it is a tract home, and there are other homes in your development up for foreclosure, or refinancing, it will be decades before your home is worth again what you paid for it. If it is an older home in an area that is not now experiencing abandonment, it will still be years before you will recover even your principle. You will never recover the interest. the financial arrangement you agreed to is what is called "toxic". Go onto Zillow.com, and plug in your own street address. This site will tell you what they believe your house is worth now, based upon its sq. footage, and the sales of the homes close to it in location, and amenities. Few of us like to leave a home in which we have put time and money. He is no different than any of us. You'll get nothing if you sell in this market. And you would only likely break even 5 or 6 years from now even if then. Thus your decision is, "do we like the house enough to stay, if we can stay?" And I don't know the answer to that one. It's a tough call, hon. See about renegotiating your loan from the sharks at the bank who financed this. Hope this helps? Write if you wish.
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o-kay..... so you could have saved.... $44,000. however... in saving that $44,000.... all you would have is $44,000 now you will have a house....... at $240,000....... seems to me.... you are making $196,000 this way.