Online House Hunting - Living within your means

Living within your means - Advice needed please!?

My husband was laid off 4 wks ago. He’s been collecting unemployment but obviously it’s literally less than half of what he used to make weekly. But we’ll take what we can get. We don’t qualify for any assistance with food, with health insurance, nothing. I have made phone calls and looked at applications and my income alone puts us in the “make too much money” category. So, we’re on our own. We’ve cut expenses the best we can. We’ve had no internet, phone or cable for over a year because we can’t afford it. We have a truck payment we’re stuck with because well, nobody wants to buy trucks with gas prices as they were. And with them dropping, nobody has jobs so nobody wants to take over that type of payment. And, we tried checking with CarMax and they’d “take” our truck for $11,000 and we owe about $14,000. So we’d eat that (still owe it to the bank) and have no money leftover to purchase another car. Now comes the bigger issue: Back a year ago my husband was laid off. It put us in a huge financial bind because we had just had a newborn baby and just gone to court for child support. We fell behind on payments when the whole housing crisis officially hit. So we’re in foreclosure but nothing has been finalized as of yet. Our house has been listed for sale for over a year and we’ve had tons of offers and almost sales. But because the banks are swamped, we’ve had 5 buyers walk due to waiting. We would call and call the banks to push our sale along but everyone’s mailboxes are full. And the cycle repeats. My realtor called my husband today and asked him a question. Somehow the topic came up that we COULD save our home because they can slash our mortgage payments in half. And they can work with us. My husband wants to keep the house and I’m a bit weary because we simply can’t afford it. He has no job, no income, to assume you can afford this and put yourself right back in that same BAD financial spot isn’t going to do you any good. So because I fear we can’t afford it, I say no. Because he can’t accept what’s been happening, he wants to keep it. I don’t know how I can put this into words for him. He flat out won’t listen to me. The only advantage is that in order to “save” our home I assume they’d need both of our signatures in order to make it happen. I won’t sign if I’m not comfortable. He hasn’t had a job in 4 wks, hasn’t really looked (my opinion). And so now that he knows about the chance to save the home, he says he’s looking. WTF? I need advice on how I can get through this. I absolutely don’t know what more to say or how to get my point across. And I’m looking for advice because as a married couple, this is something we need to do together. We need to be on the same page. And let me add, my husband has NEVER had to deal with money or be responsible about it. Please advise how I can speak to my husband about this. I'm at my wits end. Let's not forget to factor in taxes and insurance. Dropping the mortgage is one thing, but we all know taxes and insurance are fairly set. How can you job hunt without those three? Easy...the library. It's free. We have a cell phone so he can get calls and make calls. And to be honest, we're far from being the only people in this situation. All apartments around here say "foreclosure friendly" because they know renting is the only option for some. I won't file bankruptcy. If my husband would work with me, we can pay off our debts. I'm not worried about it. But if we don't live within our means, we'll never get out of debt. And debt/credit is something my husband doesn't seem to think is an important thing to fix. And honestly, where did I ever say I wasn’t working? I’ve kept my job for 6 yrs. It’s been the only thing keeping us from drowning completely. I know nobody can predict the future so that’s of course where it gets tough. But say we DO go along with the house and we keep it, what if he loses his job AGAIN? It’s happened twice already with his field. He’s in construction and we all know how unstable that is. Heck does it even matter where you work anymore? Everyone seems to be laying off. I just worry that if we make things happen, that the same mistakes will take place again because we NEED two incomes to afford anything. And we haven’t had that for a while. So we’re behind and it’ll take time to catch up. How can you catch up if you’re always behind? I would like to keep my house if I had 110% confidence we’d be okay financially. But obviously I’m not feeling all that secure and confident, hence why I’m weary! I have my dreams too, but I’m also a realistic person.

Public Comments

well first off you should see if you would be saving any money if they cut the mortgage in half, if its the same amount you would be spending on an apartment then you should keep it, if its more you should let the house go..
I hate to say this, but you need to just let the house go. Get out of it and find something you can afford. If that's a small apartment for now, that's better than worrying about what you are going to do and continually stressing over it. If you can keep the car, try to do so. Your credit is going to be hurt enough by the problem with the home. You certainly do not wish to get back into a situation that you cannot afford. Look at it realistically. Sit down with your husband and show him the numbers on paper. Show him how what money you have is going for other things and that you cannot realistically afford to do what he wants to do. Surely if you show him the math, he will see that it simply won't work. Good luck!
Compare what your new payment would be to what you would be paying for rent elsewhere. How much is the difference?
What you're not saying is what you'll do once your house is foreclosed on. Where will you live? You will then be paying $100 or more a month to keep your stuff in storage. Honestly, I think your husband is just desperate to keep a place to live, though it does sound like he's being unrealistic about how it'll be paid for. I wouldn't normally recommend bankruptcy, but you really ought to at least check with a lawyer or two about it. Most of them give a free consultation. Bankruptcy laws have gotten tougher, but if you can do it, you'd get to keep your home, truck and possessions without all the payments. That would let you live within your husband's unemployment more easily. Your credit can't be good if your house is in foreclosure, so no need to worry about the effect of bankruptcy on your credit rating. You're not in a position to use credit anyway. Freeing up some money means you can get a phone and Internet service again. How can you possibly job hunt without that? And both of you should be job hunting, not just your husband. Besides, YOU can find a job without it affecting his unemployment. He can take care of the baby if he's not working. Also, he should be looking for part-time jobs as well as full-time ones. He can earn a certain amount without it affecting his unemployment at all.
Your husband needs to take any job he can get..including a part time one or maybe two... If the mortgage company can cut your mortgage payment in half, then you should try to keep your house..You have to live somewhere, and moving into rental property will cost as much or more than where you are now.. if you are in a house you could not afford to begin with, it will give you more time to sell it...
THREE CHOICES. 1) BOTH OF THOU GET JOBS. 2) ABANDON THE TRUCK. THERE ART PLENTY OF BEATER CARS IN THE WORLD FOR CHEAP $. 3) ABANDON THE HOUSE. LIVE IN THE TRUCK WITH A CAMPER TOP OR TRAILER.
I see your problem and the thing about being married really stinks is that you are obligated to be by his side in decisions. Its never good for your credit to let the house go. There are other things you can do. If you don't have a job go and get one. He doesn't work so he can stay at home with the baby. Or he can get another job. Look at less likely places for him, that are not his ideal local to work but it will get you through, such as landscaping or farming allot of these businesses are clear jobs meaning it all cash no check type thing. Even some heavy Equipment laborers. If you both have to work there are other options they have low income daycare and they will work with you to find someone to watch the baby with in your means. That is if you don't have family close by. There are jobs they are just not something i'm sure you want to do, (fast food ,gas station......) But if you ever want to get your life back and keep your home you have to do what you have to do!
Check to see if you can get Dave Ramsey's radio show http://www.daveramsey.com/radio/home/---he deals with your type of situation everyday. And he has insight too on what happens in the marriage when finances go down. your husband may feel that the house is the only thing stable, dependable for ya but Dave will tell you that it's just a house and understands, but it's costing you. Also, he will tell you to get another agent or put a fire under them, and get that house sold. I think your being smart about that new plan, I wouldnt trust it.
first i'd take into consideration what this *new* payment will be and if it can fit into your budget at the position you are right now with your husband out of work.. i'm assuming you handle all the finances since you said he never had to deal with money... if this is the case, and your dead set on that no matter what, with the new house payment, you still cant afford it and you know this, i'd go to him with the same routine you've been... telling him how you just cant afford it.. when he argues back i'd say... okay.. lets doe it this way for a little bit... YOU (meaning your husband) assume the responsibility of paying all your bills and budgeting the money... of course you, from a distance, oversee what he's doing so he doesnt mess anything up... once he gets his hands dirty with it and sees first hand that you just cant afford it maybe he'll have a change of heart?? OR.. if this is the motivation your hubby needs to find a job then so be it?? will you be able to afford the new mortgage payment if he's bringing in some money? also, about the truck.. have you tried selling it on the street, meaning privately? you typically can get more for it that way.
I feel horrible for your situation. First and foremost, you need to outline everything. You seem to be well versed on what you owe, but knowing everywhere your money goes would be very helpful. Track all spending and adjust. Personally I found a lot of savings this way (just by cutting D&D Coffee saved me a great deal). Is there any "cash in the attic?" I hate to use the show's name, but if there is find it and make it work for you. In regards to your foreclosure... If you lose your house, you have nothing. You will have it on your credit report and it will be there for quite some time. It will be difficult for you guys to find a place to live since many want people with good credit. if you can save it, maybe you can afford it long enough to sell it. The recession will not be forever (we all hope).
You are not alone. I wish money management were taught as early as possible to all children and continued throughout high school and college. It is too important. I can relate to the whole debt issue with my husband. He was in debt to the max before we got married. We've been married over 2 years and together we've made significant gains but more work is needed. He would have been in foreclosure. There is no doubt in my mind and he's gainfully employed. You know your husband. What do you think is the best way to reach him? You have to speak his language. You have to reach him in the way that he is going to get the message. What are his interests? What language does he use? You cannot put the message in your words, it has to be his. Some of this is inspired by my reading marketing motivational quotes yesterday. David Ogilvy: If you're trying to persuade people to do something or buy something, it seems to me you should use their language, the language in which they think. Have you tried that yet?
I don't know...I would be inclined to hold on to the asset as long as possible. If there was even a chance that you could keep it...I'd be inclined to do so. What would you do if you lost the house? Where would you live and what would that cost? Would slashing the mortgage, finding a tenant for your house to pay more than the mortgage, and renting an apartment for yourself be an option? That way you have a roof over your head while managing to hold on to an asset that can only gain equity once this market improves? I know where you're coming from...My husband doesn't handle the finances either...so they don't get it...but I totally understand the compulsion to salvage the house if you can. The market WILL improve and if you can limp it along for a year or two...the economy and the housing market will eventually stablize...it'd be a pity to lose your greatest asset because you're "uncomfortable". If you're dead certain, that there's no way to make it and that he won't find work...then ya get out while you can... But if he seriously puts effort into finding work...and you harness the finances, take away his credit cards and live within your means...AND if you could save the house...I would do everything I could to do it. Fixing your credit IS important...but surviving right now has to take priority....for past debt that your carrying that is just sitting there wrecking your credit...call them see if they'll work with you or wait for you...I have a 7000 debt and I called the guy told him our situation, and I'm pay zero interest, zero late fees and a meesly 100 bucks a month...For now, I'm keeping them at bay and that's about it...but it's what we have to do right now. I'll "fix" things ...when I can, for now, I have to keep food on the table. I think that your husband is going to have to go outside of his comfort zone and find work ANYWHERE he can...right now it's about keeping a roof over your heads and I think if he can secure anything...it may help boost his determination and willingness to get moving...I'm sure he's battling with the emotional aspects of the layoff, and the wife bringing home the bacon, and now the potential loss of the house...it's understandable that he'd grab at straws (the potential for keeping the house) just to hold on to a bit of the old normalcy if nothing else.
Really you need to speak to an expert. Obviously none of us have any numbers in front of us. If your mortgage is for more or less what the home is worth I would keep it, if possible. Rent is just throwing money away. I know with lowered mortgage payments almost all the money goes towards interest but even $10 a week is $10 bucks you sort of keep. *IF* you don't have any equity loans on your house it is exempt from bankruptcy. So I know you say you won't declare bankruptcy but that may be the best option (again I have no clue what your debts and income are). Also you might consider renting a room in your house, or taking in a foreign exchange student. Depending on where you live renting your driveway during the day may be an option. Aside from all that, you really need to get him to sit down and go over everything with you (and probably an "expert" it may make him listen more and I would recommend getting an experts help before deciding on foreclosure, etc)