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Please help... my mom's issues are ruining our lives??

Ever since 2 summers ago my mom has been obsessed w/ wanting to go to Maine. When we went that 1st summer, she said we were going to buy a house. Turns out we didn't buy anything there and the whole trip was boring. Since then her obsession has worsened. Every day she looks up pics online of houses for sale in Maine, calls up realtors there, buys any items she can find that have lobsters/lighthouses on them ("Maine symbols"), listens to songs that remind her of Maine and always talks about wanting to go back. Last summer was a disaster. My dad tried to explain to her we couldn't go to Maine (because of his job) and she ranted about how badly she wants to go. Then she spent thousands of dollars on a trailer so that she could put our animals there while we'd drive up to Maine. Which caused more arguments (my dad said it was stupid to buy a trailer just for a trip, and that we shouldn't bring the animals along anyway). To top it off she broke the trailer the first time she tried to use it. In the end we couldn't go that summer, so instead she made me miss a week of school in October just so that we could drive to Maine and look at houses. And once again come home w/o buying any. Now this summer has been one of the worst. Once again my dad can't go to Maine because of his job. Now she is trying to guilt trip everyone. It's so stupid. We don't even have family there but she's obsessed with going anyway. She says she likes the surroundings better than where we currently live... FL. She's constantly arguing with my dad, blaming her problems on everyone, and just making us feel bad. NO ONE but her wants to go to Maine. My dad has a job, and I personally don't want to go. All we do there is wander around these small towns, look at houses and never end up buying any in the end. Even if I knew about some interesting places in Maine, we wouldn't be able to go to them anyway since she's in control of the trip. And if we ever DID move there I would hate it since all my friends live in FL and I have been living here my entire life. Plus if we go this summer I'm going to have to miss my 1st week of school just so that we can go on her trip since Maine = more important than school. She goes through weird phases. First she feels happy about Maine (buying items that remind her of Maine, looking at Maine houses on the net, etc.), then she feels depressed thinking that she can't go, and then she gets angry and screams at everyone. Then she told me that her dream is to go to Maine and marry a new husband there and raise a new family with him. I couldn't believe it. She says these things in front of my dad and I like we don't have any feelings. I have to put up with her depression and her fantasies about moving. Worst of all I hate it when she's mad and has to start screaming and ruining everyone's day. Any advice/thoughts about this? Thanks. PS: She just woke up and she's not talking to me, even when I said hello. Before you tell me I should tell her to go to Maine alone, I've already tried suggesting that. It doesn't work. She won't listen to me AT ALL. I'm 16 years old but I doubt she would allow me to stay with any friends/family members like some of you suggested. And no, she doesn't have any New England roots... I think she is just fed up with the city and wants a different type of life.

Public Comments

1. You need to talk to your dad. He should help her get help for her depression.Her mood swings can be helped with medication and talking to a therapist should help. I'm sorry that there not much you can do. Try to hang out with friends and get involved in school activities.Tell your dad that you don't want to miss school. Good luck
2. listen you should tell ur mom how u feel it should help if it dosen't help then scream like a mad man that should work p.s. the second part abput screaming was a joke but i used it once and it worked like a charm!!!!!!
3. It sounds like your whole family needs to get together and express to her how all of you feel. If she still insists on going see if you can stay with a friend or family member while their gone. She sounds like she needs to see a therapist if she's not already. Either way I know how you feel my mother decided she wanted to move my family to Indiana right before my freshman year. But they decided to let my brother and sister live with friends because they were almost 18. I went from a top rated school to one that half the senior class did not graduate because they either flunked or dropped out halfway though. I moved back to live with my sister when I turned 17. Now 10 yrs later they want to move back but can't. My relationship with my mother has never really been the same since, and it's the same way for both of my siblings.
4. your mom sounds bipolar. One of my friends is bipolar, and she said it helped a lot when she got a hobby (tennis). Maybe if you can get your mom involved in something down in Florida, she'll get too absorbed to care about Maine anymore. The ideal thing would be for your mom to go into counseling and possibly on lithium, but it doesn't sound like she would go for that.
5. Hmmm.....I strongly suggest that your Mom somehow gets to live her fantasy in Maine. Try being totally accepting of her talk, support the lobster pots, etc. and tell her they are 'cool.' Help her find a small apt. somewhere in Maine where she could go and 'try it out.' (feigning that your family will follow her later...) She may be strengthening her desire to go because everyone else is against it....she may find that once she's there, it isn't a magical place. She is obviously totally disenchanted with Florida....that is, she HATES IT. IF she has to go when school starts- stay with a friend for that week if you can. ( I don't know how old you are, so this is difficult to answer) Does your Mom have New England roots---a reason to want to be north? (or is hating FL enough reason for her to want to go to the opposite end of the country?) Maine seems to represent her freedom- from FL, from her locked-in family life in FL.....sometimes, if you 'open the door' and 'unlock the door' .....the prisoner doesn't walk out the door----it's the idea that she's prisoner and no one cares/wants what she does....she sounds like a miserable-camper.
6. Send her on her merry way... tell her you'll visit if you get a chance. Your family doesn't deserve to feel rotten because you can't go and appease her wishes and dreams. Lots of us have dreams that are never fulfilled, it's just part of being a human in this day and age. If she can't grasp that, she either needs therapy or just needs to go.